For whatever reason, the word, wait carries a pretty negative connotation for me. Waiting in line at the post office, waiting for bloodwork results, waiting to hear back after an interview, waiting for the kids to get home (especially after they begin driving independently.) Waiting feels… uncomfortable, maybe. It’s that stretch of in-between where the next step is just enough out of my control to make me anxious.
Merriam-Webster defines “wait” as the following:
verb
- to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
- to pause for another to catch up
- to look forward expectantly
- to hold back expectantly
- to serve at meals
- to be ready and available
- to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized
I’m not good at waiting, and I don’t particularly like it. So how (& why) has wait become my “word” for 2019?
A little backstory on word-of-the-year: I love themes. Decorating, party-planning, and of course the holiday photo shoot- all themed and coordinated – this is so much fun for me. My mind craves boundaries, and functions most effectively when it has a central axis around which to spin. Choosing a word on which to ruminate as the new year dawns has become a fun little challenge. It’s my own personal experiment in psychology, as the word-of-the-year hovers over the choices and direction of the ensuing 365 days. I love the gentle saturation as words from years past like home and present shape life’s decisions with renewed intentionality and purpose.
So back to wait: yuck.
Wait doesn’t feel as soothing as home or nearly as noble as present. Who wants a year of angst, of “remaining temporarily neglected or unrealized”?!?
But what if wait wasn’t yuck? What if it wasn’t even a four-letter word? (I guess weight isn’t a four-letter word, but that’s for another post…) What if frenzied anxiety was replaced with quiet expectation? How does “frozen in the panic of what might be” compare to “stationary readiness”? Could this waiting- this pause- provide a moment to breathe, a margin for rest in the jam-packed narrative of life?
What if looking forward made a space for hopes and dreams and holding back meant self control? Could consciously waiting hold back a harsh word,an impulse purchase, a thoughtless text? What if I view the “serve” aspect of wait as to mean serving Jesus and others instead of myself?
What if waiting really does mean “ready and available” as opposed to exhausted from pushing, grasping, clawing… and for what gain, exactly? To be temporarily neglected or unrealized?
It looks a little different, now, wait. It feels like an exhale, an almost silent release of pent up tension and pressure, a quiet moment, a reprieve.
In this year of wait, I will pause- being mindful about looking forward expectantly as well as holding back with grace. Willingness to serve will trump pursuit of self. And even through moments of neglect, in quiet readiness, I will wait.
out of the dust 